If you didn’t seen Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher, it was a great show. A friend of mine who works for the show got me in as a joke writer, which is a lot of fun.
Basically, I wrote about 25 jokes a week on current events of the day. This was when the show was still on Comedy Central. Of course, the opening monologue is only so long, so they can’t possibly use every joke that gets sent to them. (There’s probably over a dozen writers who work for the show.) It seems a shame to let some of them go to waste though. Below are the jokes that actually got on the show. (Hey, I only wrote them, I didn't pick 'em.)
The funeral for Rose Kennedy was held today. It was a trying time for the whole Kennedy clan and a confused Arnold Swartenagger vowed to avenger her death.
Workers in Washington D.C. got an unpaid day off Monday. The city's really broke now, so the day was to ease the city's crippling debt. No trash was picked up, buses stopped running and Marion Barry only smoked pot.
Get this, the City Council of Nottingham England cannot find a Sheriff. The council solicited candidates from its 40 members and no one wants to be the Sheriff of Nottingham. Although 3 of the members did say they would be the bad guy in the next "Die Hard" movie.
Did you see Judge Ito at the trial yesterday? Boy, he's really toughened up. He ejected two spectators for whispering, he stopped the redundant questions--- Finally, he just leaped out of his chair, grabbed O.J. by the collar and announced to the room, "Give me five minutes alone with this punk and I'll tell you if he's guilty." He's just really tough now...
Did you watch the trial yesterday? This poor Dennis Fung, the defense is really putting the screws to him. He got so flustered, yesterday he finally said, "Okay! Okay! I prefer the old Marsha Clark hair! There I said it!"
Rev. Al Sharpton has trimmed down. He's lost 75 pounds since last July. (pause for applause) And, he would've lost 100 if he had just given up that giant medallion.
The Pope just got back from his two week vacation in the Alps. The Vatican says he’s “tan and fit” after the rest, but he’s a little depressed. The girl he met moved back to Florida with her parents, so... Summer romances...
The President of the NRA says that President Clinton is the most anti-gun president in U.S. history, with the possible exception of President Lincoln right after that play.