Tony DiGerolamo's The Travelers in
The Cut Scene from Issue #19 of The Travelers Expanded!
written by: Tony DiGerolamo (TWM) Copyright 2002 all rights reserved
(This story takes place just before the accident in issue #19, on sale in December 2002.)

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF STAFF MANOR-EARLY EVENING

LOCUST THE WIZARD, dressed in a worked smock and spotted with grease, heads for the side door of the manor house.

NARRATION
Staff Manor. Tuesday. Club meeting night.

LOCUST
(humming)
Hmmm-hm-hm-hmm-hmmm!

INT. STAFF MANOR SIDE ROOM-EARLY EVENING

ELFRETH, Tariff Staff's loyal manservant, is dusting an expensive vase in a meticulously decorated, well-furnished room. There is a knock at the door and Locust peeks his head inside.

SFX: Knock-knock-knock.

LOCUST
Excuse me, Mr. Elfreth. I 'ope I'm not disturbing you.

ELFRETH
Not in the least, sir. How can I be of service?

Locust comes in and shuts the door behind him.

LOCUST
Well, as you know our club meeting's in
a bit and I'm to mi elbows in work on
Archimedes Time Machine.

ELFRETH
Shall I tell Sgt. Staff you shall be late for
the meeting, sir?

LOCUST
Oh, no. I can't be late for my own club
meeting! Ya see, I found a solution while
working in the Sarge's stables. I used
the machine to go back in time just a bit
and I got my past self to 'elp me in the
future! Isn't that clever?

ELFRETH
Very sir! Is your past self out there now?

LOCUST
Working non-stop. I'll just pop into
the kitchen for some tea, then. Do you mind?

ELFRETH
Shall I get it for you?

LOCUST
No-no, I don't want to be a bother.

Locust walks further inside the manor house toward the kitchen. Elfreth goes back to dusting. A few seconds go by and then...

SFX: Knock-knock-knock

PAST LOCUST I, a Locust the Wizard that exists 5 minutes in the past, peeks his head in.

PAST LOCUST I
Excuse me, Mr. Elfreth. I 'ope I'm not
disturbing you.

ELFRETH
(slightly bewildered)
Uh, not in the least, sir. How can I be of service?

Locust comes in and shuts the door behind him.

PAST LOCUST I
Well, as you know our club meeting's in
a bit and I'm to mi elbows in work on
Archimedes Time Machine.

ELFRETH
Uh, yes, sir. I was going to tell Sgt. Staff
you would be late, but---

PAST LOCUST I
Oh, no. I can't be late for my own club
meeting! Ya see, I found a solution while
working in the Sarge's stables. I used
the machine to go back in time just a bit
and I got my past self to 'elp me in the
future! Isn't that clever?

ELFRETH
Uh, yes, but, isn't your past self---

PAST LOCUST I
Working non-stop. I'll just pop into
the kitchen for some tea, then. Do you
mind?

ELFRETH
(confused)
Didn't I just offer you---

PAST LOCUST I
No-no, I don't want to be a bother.

Locust walks further inside the manor house toward the kitchen. Elfreth looks from side to side suspiciously and then goes back to dusting. A few seconds go by and then...

SFX: Knock-knock-knock

PAST LOCUST II pokes his head through the door and Elfreth makes an exasperated sound.

PAST LOCUST II
Excuse me, Mr. Elfreth. I 'ope I'm not
disturbing you.

ELFRETH
(flustered)
Well, you're not disturbing me, no, but---

Locust comes in and shuts the door behind him.

PAST LOCUST II
Well, as you know our club meeting's in
a bit and I'm to mi elbows in work on
Archimedes Time Machine.

ELFRETH
We already had this conversation!

PAST LOCUST II
We did?

ELFRETH
Yes! About being late for the meeting!

PAST LOCUST II
Oh, no. I can't be late for my own club
meeting! Ya see, I found a solution while
working in the Sarge's stables. I used
the machine to go back in time just a bit
and I got my past self to---

ELFRETH
(interrupting)
I know! It's very clever. But your past
self is here!

PAST LOCUST II
Are you sure? I just left him. He's
working non-stop. I'll just pop into
the kitchen for some tea, then. Do you
mind?

ELFRETH
Yes! I mean, no! I mean---

PAST LOCUST II
No-no, I don't want to be a bother.

SFX: Knock-knock-knock.

PAST LOCUST III sticks his head through the door.

PAST LOCUST III
Excuse me, Mr. Elfreth. I 'ope I'm not
disturbing you.

ELFRETH
(increasingly frustrated)
Gaaahhh! Don't say it!

Locust comes in and shuts the door behind him.

PAST LOCUST III
Well, I'm sorry.

As Locust pauses, Elfreth relaxes.

PAST LOCUST III
(continuing)
As you know our club meeting's in
a bit and I'm to mi elbows in work on
Archimedes Time Machine.

ELFRETH
I know, sir! Your past selves don't want
to be late!

PAST LOCUST III
Oh, no. I can't be late for my own club
meeting! Ya see, I found a solution---

ELFRETH
(increasingly agitated)
Yes, I know! You found a solution while
working in the Sarge's stables! You used
the machine to go back in time just a bit
and to get your past self to help you in
the future! But they keep coming for tea!

PAST LOCUST III
(astonished)
Are you sure? I just left him. He's
working non-stop.

ELFRETH
(yelling)
I know! I know! I have a kitchen full
of you right now!

PAST LOCUST III
Really? (pause) I'll just pop into
the kitchen for some tea, then. Do you
mind?

ELFRETH
(he's driving him nuts)
Yes! Yes, I mind! I mind it very much, sir!
Now will you please stop sending yourself
into the kitchen! I will get you the tea!

PAST LOCUST III
No-no, I don't want to be a bother.

Past Locust III goes into the kitchen. Elfreth rings his hair in frustration.

SFX: Knock-knock-knock.

ELFRETH
(cracking up)
Ahhhhhh!

As PAST LOCUST IV is about to peek his head through the door, Elfreth runs to it and slams it shut. Past Locust IV pulls his head back just in time.

PAST LOCUST IV
(from behind the door)
Excuse me, Mr. Elfreth. I 'ope I'm not
disturbing you.

ELFRETH
(holding the door)
Go away, sir!

PAST LOCUST IV
But I can't! I don't know if you realize,
but our club meeting's in a bit and---

ELFRETH
Well, you're going to be late!

PAST LOCUST IV
Oh, no. I can't be late for my own club
meeting! Ya see, I found a solution while
working in the Sarge's stables. I used---

ELFRETH
(threatening)
You're not getting in here, sir! I'm not a
violent elf, but if I see another one of your
past selves...

PAST LOCUST IV
You've seen him? Are you sure? I just left him.
He's working non-stop. I'll just pop into
the kitchen for some tea, then. Do you
mind?

ELFRETH
That's it, you simpleton! If you're determined
to come in here and play out the same conversation
over and over again, I'll throttle you! Do you hear?!
I'll grab you with my bear hands and choke the life
out of you! Now, answer carefully, for your very
life is at stake! You understand?! If you answer
the same thing you've been saying, I'm going to
strangle you! Now, answer: Do you really want tea?!

PAST LOCUST IV
No-no, I don't want to be a bother.

Elfreth opens the door and screams at him.

ELFRETH
Ahhhhh!

Past Locust IV runs away in fright. Exhausted. Elfreth shuts the door and flops back down on the seat. Locust walks back into the room with an empty cup of tea.

LOCUST
Elfreth? Are you all right?

ELFRETH
Sir? Is that you, sir? The real you?

LOCUST
Oh, dear! I'm so sorry, Elfreth! I ran
into one of my past selves in the kitchen!
Are we all doing the same thing over and
over again?

ELFRETH
(standing)
Yes, sir! I'm so glad you noticed. Will you
be able to fix things?

LOCUST
I'll go right back to the stable and set things
right. Just let the Sarge and the others know
where I am when the meeting starts.

ELFRETH
I will, sir. I will.

LOCUST
(exiting)
Again, I'm terribly sorry.

ELFRETH
Not at all, sir.

Locust exits and Elfreth flops back down into the chair. Enter Past Locust I.

PAST LOCUST I
Elfreth? Are you all right?

ELFRETH
Oh, no!

PAST LOCUST I
Oh, dear! I'm so sorry, Elfreth! I ran
into one of my past selves in the kitchen!
Are we all doing the same thing over and
over again?

ELFRETH
(crying)
I know.

PAST LOCUST I
I'll go right back to the stable and set things
right. Just let the Sarge and the others know
where I am when the meeting starts.

ELFRETH
(sobbing)
I will, just go.

PAST LOCUST I
(exiting)
Again, I'm terribly sorry.

ELFRETH
Please go, sir.

Elfreth lays in the chair looking depressed. Enter Past Locust II.

PAST LOCUST II
Elfreth? Are you all right?

ELFRETH
(crying)
No.

PAST LOCUST II
Oh, dear! I'm so sorry, Elfreth! I ran
into one of my past selves in the kitchen!
Are we all doing the same thing over and
over again?

ELFRETH
(determined)
That's it!

Elfreth gets up and marches to the kitchen door. The kitchen is full of PAST LOCUSTS having tea.

ELFRETH
All of you! Out!

PAST LOCUSTS
(together, exiting)
I'll go right back to the stable and set things
right. Just let the Sarge and the others know
where I am when the meeting starts.

ELFRETH
Just go!

The Past Locusts stop on the other side of the door.

PAST LOCUSTS
(together)
Again, I'm terribly sorry.

Elfreth slams the door.

ELFRETH
I think I need a cup of tea myself.

Elfreth goes into the kitchen.

ELFRETH
(from the kitchen)
You stupid wizards! You drank all the tea!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. STAFF MANOR-EVENING

NARRATION
Staff Manor. Tuesday. Club meeting.

SGT. T.S.
(from inside)
Lads! The Princess and I have an announcement
to make!

INT. MEETING ROOM-EVENING

SIR DAN, SHAMBLES, CUBBY and BARBARA are seated around the table in this lavish meeting room. Cubby is eating plates of food being served by ELFRETH. Shambles, Dan and Barbara are smoking cigars, drinking Scotch and playing cards. SGT. T.S. stands at the head of the table with PRINCESS CHASTITY, both beaming proudly.

SGT. T.S.
The Princess and I are engaged to be wed!

ELFRETH
That's marvelous, sir.

CUBBY
(agreeing, with food in mouth)
Mmm!

SIR DAN
(without looking up)
That's nice, Sarge. Congrats.

SHAMBLES
(pouring another one)
Yeah-that's-great. Got any more of this
Scotch?

PRINCESS CHASTITY
(outraged)
Tariff! They're not paying attention to me!
I walked all the way in here and they didn't
even compliment me on my dress!

SARGE
It is divine, my Royal Angel, but the club
members are just weary. We were all just
in a war*. And they did compliment you
on the way in and in the greeting hall.

PRINCESS CHASTITY
That's only twice!

EDITOR'S NOTE
*See issue #18.

Chastity storms away in a huff, waving cigar smoke from her face as she does so.

PRINCESS CHASTITY
Oh! This smoke is awful! I can't stay in here!
I'm going to speak with your mother about
patterns for the china.

SARGE
M-more china? But we've already ordered a set!

PRINCESS CHASTITY
That was the pre-engagement china. This is the
post-engagement china! Tch! Honestly! You
men know nothing of marriage!

The Sarge chases after his annoyed princess.

SHAMBLES
(aside)
I know enough not to do it again.

CUBBY
(wistful)
Oh, sir. Marriage is a beautiful sacrament. A
holy union. Two souls coming together. (sniff!)

SHAMBLES
Or in your case, six.

CUBBY
The more the merrier, sir.

BARBARA
Less talk. More bet.

SHAMBLES
Don't be so anxious to loose, "Erica the Red".

SIR DAN
This is some good Scotch, I gotta get some
for the bar.

SHAMBLES
I'll give you one of the bottles I got hidden
in my underwear.

SIR DAN
Sham! Don't go stealin' from the Sarge!
An "in-club" thief is worse than a scorpion
in a codpiece.

SHAMBLES
"Sir Moneybags" isn't going to miss a few
bottles of Scotch or this silverware or---
Hey that's a nice vase.

SIR DAN
Sham!

SHAMBLES
All right, all right.

Reluctantly, Shambles unloads his booty, three bottles of Scotch, some silverware and a bar of soap.

CUBBY
Pardon me for saying, sir. But I've never
seen you use soap. I'm surprised you took it.

SHAMBLES
(embarrassed)
I don't use it a lot because I can never find the
kind I like. It smells like sunflowers.

BARBARA
(frustrated)
Barbara say, place bet or priest fold!

Shambles takes the soap back and throws a chip into the ante.

SHAMBLES
What are you so antsy about? We got rid of
Richard. Now you don't have to look over
your shoulder anymore.

BARBARA
(a little exasperated)
Barbara worried about financial future. Barbara
want to save for retirement. Barbara not getting
any younger.

SIR DAN
(he can't believe this)
You're nineteen!

BARBARA
(pointing out)
Alexander Great conquer world when him in
20's. What Barbara conquer?

CUBBY
You led that army against the Scottsdale rebels
on Friday. You took three castles.

BARBARA
(not satisfied)
Yes, but what Barbara really conquer.

CUBBY
(repeating with emphasis)
Three castles. They had catapults and all.

BARBARA
(not satisfied)
But Barbara not accomplish alone! Barbara
had army!

CUBBY
You took the last one yourself, sir! It was
heroic! The minstrels wept.

BARBARA
(sighs)
When Barbara look back on life, Barbara realize
Barbara waste much time. Not any more! Barbara
live every minute now! Every second! Barbara
conquer something, someday!

CUBBY
But you---

SIR DAN
(interrupting)
Cub. You don't wanna go there, trust me.

The Sarge walks back into the room.
SARGE
Well, I hope you're all happy! The Princess
and I announce the most glorious day of our
lives and this is how you treat us!

SIR DAN
C'mon, Sarge, that ain't fair. You guys
were engaged for years before we got
turned into vampires*.

EDITOR'S NOTE
*See Issue #8.

SHAMBLES
Yeah! I bought presents for the first six
engagement parties! They don't even
count now!

SIR DAN
And plannin' your bachelor party's just
a tease at this point.

BARBARA
Princess and Sarge all talk. No wedding.

SARGE
There will be this time! Soon!

SHAMBLES, DAN, BARB, CUBBY
(annoyed)
WHEN?!

SARGE
Very soon! I told just told you! Uh, perhaps
we should begin the meeting.

SHAMBLES
We'd like to, but "Wizard-boy" isn't here yet.

CUBBY
I think 'e said something about an experiment, sir.

SHAMBLES
Oh, great! Another experiment! Why don't I just
blow up some livestock and set the city on fire now?

SGARGE
Actually, the wizard is here. He's been using one
of my stables for a workshop.

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